Monday, January 17, 2011

The Roar of a Family Snore!

Many have been accused of snoring. I am one of those who allegedly broke the silence of the night with a low rumble. And for many of us, we believed we were the unfortunate victims of an unfounded conspiracy in an effort to embarrass us. Of course, the reality of the situation is that we weren’t there to give a denial . . . or at least not conscious.

Recently, however, my greatest fears were confirmed when my family came into town for a visit. After a big lunch, while we were watching the big football game in front of the fireplace on a cold afternoon, a few of my family members fell asleep for an afternoon nap. Now, in an effort to protect the innocent, I won’t share the names of the accused, you see, I would never embarrass my own mother and brother like that. I was about midway through my nap when I felt a small rumble and I wondered if the load in the dryer was unbalanced.

As I gathered myself into a more awake state, I started getting worried as it sounded as if our new home had been placed in the middle of a railroad track and the afternoon freight was making its way through our living room. That didn’t make any sense, so as I tried hard to determine the source of this growing rumble, I suddenly experienced a jolt of fear down my spine as I realized I must have missed a storm warning during my nap and there was a tornado bearing down on our house. A moment more and I gained my full bearing and realized that this sound, which could only be described as a combination of a Grizzly Bear charging me while brandishing a revved up chainsaw, was actually coming from my napping family.

Then it hit me, the nasty allegations, the teasing and the complaining may have been true. Could it be possible that I too, the gentle and caring person that I am, sounded like a diesel engine wood chipper in my sleep. I remembered the allegation that my own son, only three at the time, had so carelessly lobbed at me while we were on a vacation and all sleeping in the same room. Upon awaking the first morning of that vacation, my son turns to my wife and says, “Mommy, what was that sound last night?”

“What did it sound like?”

“GRRROWWWWWLRRRRRR!!!!!” my son screams in his re-enactment.

My wife starts laughing, “That was probably Daddy snoring, just try and sleep through it honey.”

My son pauses, looks at her and says with the most serious face, “But I hear it in my dreams!”

Alright, I get it. So it was true. So my wife has suffered through years of interrupted sleep by the sounds of a dog fighting ring in our bedroom. I just want to be clear, it’s not my fault, I inherited this problem!

Friday, January 7, 2011

May old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind . . . what the heck is that about?

And so we begin again. A new year is upon and with it brings new opportunities, new beginnings, and a fresh start. The record is wiped clean. Is this all really true? Do we really get a brand new beginning with the New Year? Probably not and that is why we probably fail at so many efforts to start new habits in the form of New Year’s Resolutions, but what is the harm in trying, right?

I have a great advantage (or disadvantage, depending upon on your perspective) in that I have hundreds and thousands of readers (alright, maybe one of my resolutions should be to stop exaggerating . . . nah) that can hold me accountable to my resolutions. Once I put them down on this paper and it gets printed in the newspaper, I will have friends and family asking me, how’s that resolution coming?

The challenge is coming up with a resolution that is not only interesting, but reasonable as well. I really want to change my life for the better, but I don’t want it to be too hard to do (seriously, who wants to sacrifice that much for a resolution). I don’t want to create one where I eliminate things I already do, but one where I begin doing new things. So what do I do? How do I come up with something new?

I asked my son, what he thought and what his New Year’s resolution was going to be, he said, “What’s a resolution?” That helped me create my first resolution; don’t ask a four year old unreasonable questions. No, that is eliminating something I normally do, so let me change that, my first resolution will be to better educate my children on the issues we are discussing. That would certainly be new and would require an immense amount of patience, which I don’t have. So, resolution number one is to improve my patience through intentional activities with my children. Good one, thank you son.

My daughter is even more challenging and would require even more explaining, since she is only two, but I asked nonetheless. “Merry Mismas!” she yells in response with great joy and spirit. This is her pronunciation of Merry Christmas and not quite an answer to the question I was asking. She doesn’t realize it is a week after Christmas and 357 days until next Christmas, but she is living life like its Christmas Eve. That’s it! I’ve got my second resolution – live life like it’s that special time of year, every day, filled with spirit and joy. Boy, that one might be tough, but I’ll give it a shot.

For a third resolution I must look to my wife, the rock of our family. She spent the entire holiday season giving to others. She has an unconquerable spirit of service like nobody I’ve ever met. I’ve got it! My last resolution will be to better serve others. I mean, I’ve got the best role model I know under my own roof. There, that wasn’t so hard was it? More patience, spirit and joy, and serving others – these are my New Year’s resolutions . . . we’ll see how long these last.